I have tried many times to build new habits, lose weight, and become some new, smaller version of myself. Fueled by self loathing, I'd cut down to 1200 calories, not allow myself any take out, and I'd dwell about food. I'd go aimlessly hop on the elliptical, just burning calories without worrying about form. I was never obese, but my hatred of the number on the scale wasn't close to what I felt when I tried to exercise any other way, especially running or hiking. My body itself nearly groaned. I lost 25 lbs in 2019 with my Loseit challenge teams, but gained it back as my mom became more abusive throughout summer, fall, and early winter.
I moved out of my mom's house in December, and in a new apartment with my boyfriend. I found myself supported, and happy to come home! I could cook whatever I wanted. I buckled back down into my better habits, logging and weighing my food. I soon realized 1200 calories wasn't enough if I was running, and bumped up my calories.
Running? Oh, yes. I wanted to be a faster hiker, so I started running for cardio. When lock down happened, and I only averaged 3,000 steps a day that first week. But suddenly, I did what I couldn't do before:instead of spiraling in my depressive cycle, I found my step again. My boyfriend helped me measure and weigh ingredients for recipes, making dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I ran.
I saw friends (outdoors and distanced) three weeks ago, and they all mentioned how healthy I was! How much they admired how I ran, how they could never do it during quarantine. And instead of feeling flustered or like I had lied to them, I felt proud. I talked to them about how they could definitely run too.
And last weekend, I started attending a trail running group. And it is so, so hard. Running uphill over dirt and gravel and roots is all the worst parts of hiking faster. But I'm loving it, and I'm under the direction of a coach for the first time in 7 years. I'm social again, the peppy new runner in the group, instead of withdrawn into my own world like I have been for years. I'm 84 days into my 10,000 steps a day streak!
I don't know how it happened, but I changed, and I'm proud.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/il480s/today_i_looked_in_the_mirror_and_it_made_me/
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