I'm not sure why I'm writing this post, I apologize if it comes off as as a rant. I have a problem bottling my feelings, so I've been keeping them inside for a long time and just needed to get it off my chest. I sort of feel kind of bad for complaining about my problems cause I know a lot of people gone through much worse than I have.
A year ago, or maybe two years ago... I was a little bit on the heavier side for my height. Nothing too bad but I weighed around 145-160 lb at 5'3-5'4 (F). The weight doesn't spread well on me, so when I gain weight, I look larger than I am and it's pretty noticeable. Turns out most of the weight gain came from emotional eating, stress and just overall depression. School effected me a lot. Triggered mainly from subtle bullying, and losing a best friend of mine to drama.
When I gained weight, other girls would make fun of me. Outright call me fat to my face, and mock the way I looked when walking down the steps. A "friend" of mine even mocked the size of my legs, and how large they were. Not only were my peers offenders but my family too. Constantly telling me I need to lose some weight and if I want to get a man, I need to lose. Just constant belittling of me. Whenever I did lose a lb or two, and felt proud about it, I got made fun of by "friends" at school. When school ended, I fell off the wagon. Ended up gaining more weight and gave in.
Now this year I finally lost all the weight. I'm only about 125-128 lb coming down from the high 140's. My heart health is better too, I actually am not out of breath from walking up 5-steps (they use to make fun of me for that too.) I've successfully kept it off for a year now. Problem is ever since I lost weight though, all I constantly hear is remarks from family and other people I hardly know that I'm too skinny and assuming I'm anorexic, and that my "dietary habits are unhealthy" (all I do is IF, and CICO). No matter how much I explain to them, I do not have an eating disorder, they project onto me and tell me I'm wrong.
Even today I got mocked, being told I have a body like a tree, and that my body is disgusting shapeless and I need to lift weights, and that my legs are grossly skinny. I argued my body has always been like this even when I was younger, along with my legs. Still didn't stop the commentary. The craziest part is, I still got a lot of fat on my thighs, and still have strong love handles, so I don't know why these comments are even thrown at me.
It really sucks. It's like no matter what I do, I can't dodge people's comments, opinions and projections. I'm just never good enough, and never can look okay. I can never feel good about myself because of it. It shouldn't hurt me or, affect me, but it does. Has anyone else dealt with a similar scenario?
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/it3f5g/they_told_me_i_was_heavy_and_needed_to_lose/
No comments:
Post a Comment