I'm sure you've all read plenty of posts that sound just like me by now on this sub, but I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm a 26 F and just cannot seem to get myself to adhere to making lifestyle changes over the long term. I've been obese essentially my whole life, even when I was swimming competitively 5 days per week while growing up. I've had body image and self esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I've recently reached a new low and just feel myself slipping into a state of complete lack of caring, and I honestly just don't know what to do anymore.
When I was in high school I severely restricted my diet and increased my physical activity level and managed to drop from the 210s to the 180s over the course of 6 months, but I managed to put the weight back on within the following year. I've fluctuated between the 210s and 230s since then.
In May this year, weighing 228 lbs, I enlisted the help of an online registered dietitian to help guide me to making better eating habits, hoping that the accountability and financial investment would make me more likely to stick with the program, but about 10 weeks into the program I fell off the wagon and haven't been able to regain progress since. I managed to drop about 4 pounds by reducing portion sizes, reducing carbs and increasing the amount of fresh produce in my diet, but I found myself eventually making excuses and reverting back to my old ways. At the beginning of August I decided to spend the money I was spending on my RD appointments on weekly personal training sessions instead; however, since I'm only consistently getting a good workout about 2 times per week, I haven't noticed a significant difference other than my DOMS the day or two after my sessions.
I recognize that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I've found myself binge eating very frequently over the past month or so, eating until I'm uncomfortably full for no apparent reason. I feel myself spiraling out of control and I don't know how to break the cycle. I don't have the money or time to invest in professional counseling at this point. I'm getting to the point where my clothes aren't fitting, and I honestly hate myself for it. I'm currently 233 lbs, which is 1 meager pound away from my highest weight ever.
I really, truly want to be better. I'm hoping to start CICO with 16:8 IF and being more committed to getting to the gym etc. I acknowledge that I'm the one who got myself into this situation and I'm the only one who can dig myself out. I'm just so frustrated that I've even gotten to this point, and I'm scared of what happens if/when I inevitably fall off the wagon again, or if I keep failing to make progress on my weight loss, and I think those fears are causing some part of me to hesitate about implementing new changes.
I guess I don't know what I want out of making this post. Any guidance or words of advice are welcome. At this point I just feel like I'm at a complete loss. I feel ready to get started again, but my fear of failure and repeating my cycle of self-sabotage seems to be holding me back.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/iky9l4/rant_i_keep_sabotaging_myself/
No comments:
Post a Comment