I have chronic pain unrelated to weight. There aren't a lot of things I can do for pleasure, anymore. Even typing hurts. Eating is really one of the only things I can do w/ regularity that brings me significant pleasure.
I lost about 40 lbs, and like, I can do that no problem. Will power is not a problem for me. I quit overnight after being a hardcore alcoholic for three years, I quit smoking overnight after five. My diet was going well until I had this breaking moment where I realized how good unhealthy food was, and how much of it I used to have, and how staying on course meant a lifetime of underwhelming food.
I'm not saying vegetables are yucky, I'm not six, but kale isn't the product of millions of dollars worth of food science research. Junk food is a supernormal stimulus, like it or not it taps into your caveman brain.
My decisions aren't health driven. I quit my other addictions because the pain to pleasure ratio wasn't worth it. With food, I don't know. It's hard not to convince myself that life is a horrible downward spiral to the end, that we're all born without our consent, and flaming hot cheetos are delicious.
So I gained 50 pounds. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't really want to get off this train. There just isn't a lot to look forward to for me, and food is just really, really good. It's instant high quality gratification that I can't get anywhere else. I don't like sex, I don't like video games, and I'm in so much pain that on my days off I barely leave my bed.
I'm doing pills, I'm doing therapy, I even blew thousands of dollars on ketamine treatments. My anxiety and depression are pretty well under control. I'm not saying my choices aren't a product of mental illness, but I also think it's easy to pathologize and by extension dismiss socially unacceptable decisions.
I was hoping to get some new takes, or advice from other people who have been here. I can't keep sitting in my own head, and this is such a warm and thoughtful community I'm hoping this would be a good place to get some perspective.
tl;dr I want to be hot, but I also... love food. I can't justify the choice to eat healthy because it ruins one of the only things that makes me happy.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/is7hyj/i_hate_the_way_i_look_but_i_love_food_and_i_think/
No comments:
Post a Comment