So, a little backstory: I (30M) am 5'11", at my heaviest I was 275lb. I've always been fat, I was always the fat kid in school and have a lot of emotional trauma because of that, kids will be kids aka fucking assholes. Oh yeah, this is probably going to have some not so friendly language.
When I hit 275 in January 2019 I was disgusted with myself and promised myself to make changes to get healthy. I lost 40 pounds over 4 months and I was just starting to get used to people making comments about me losing some weight and it felt good. This is the lowest weight I can remember being since high school. I've never been a healthy weight.
There's a coworker that I see infrequently who saw me at my heaviest, then saw me when I lost 40 pounds and was very interested in talking to me about food and diet and calories, etc. I see this coworker about once every 4 months.
So a few months ago somebody decided that texting was more important than not driving their fucking SUV straight up my car's asshole and long story short I needed to have some surgery.
I stopped counting calories, wasn't able to exercise, and gained back almost all of the weight I lost. I now sit at an unhealthy 260 lbs.
So I see that coworker again today and she says to me "oh no! What happened to your diet? You were doing so well". Okay first off bitch you aren't the poster child for health, we probably have the same BMI and you have the gall to even mention my weight?
I tell her all about the surgery and she goes "oh, so you were just home doing this?" And mimed quickly eating food with a spoon.
I, being the fucking wuss- I mean professional that I am just said "Haha yeah I guess so" and pretended to be busy.
She continued on by saying "well when are you going to get back on your diet" and once again I engaged with her and said "oh probably after the holidays when I can actually focus on it, you know?" She gave me a surprised look and said "that's so far from now."
I acted like I was busy and she eventually got the hint and went away. Who the fuck thinks this is an appropriate conversation to have with someone? Who the fuck continues the conversation when the other person is clearly not into it? Who the fuck criticizes someone's diet when they are just as fat? What the fuck!?
So, I'm thoroughly disgusted and disappointed with myself. I feel like I've let myself down, I've let my family down, and now I feel like everyone around me is staring at me for being fat again. I half want to get right back on track and half just want to curl up and eat my feelings. I feel like I'm back in high school and all of my anxieties and depression are hitting me like waves.
I don't want to be the fat kid anymore, I want to be able to interact with my son without being out of breath, I want to be able to go hiking up a hill, or go for a walk without feeling like dying. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling gross. I want to be a good example for my son. I want people to respect me. I want people to be proud of me for turning my life around and I want to be proud of myself. I want to have a normal BMI for the first time in my adult life.
Thanks for letting me rant, I just needed to get this off my chest. People fucking suck.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e5oycy/i_had_a_bad_day_today_just_looking_to_rant_nsfw/
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