The last few days have been rough. Very rough. I have PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and the amount of nightmares and flashbacks to my trauma have increased ridiculously within the past month.
I have been weighing and tracking my food for months now, staying at a 500 calorie deficit. I have prior issues with emotional binging that I have been trying to reign in, and I feel like I've done an amazing job with that. But yesterday, I broke.
I ordered pizza and cheese bread for my boyfriend and I. I told myself that I could eat however much I wanted, because darn it I've been so good with tracking and weighing everything that one day of doing whatever is not going to set me back that far. I was depressed, I was just beginning to breathe after my second panic attack of the day, I NEEDED it.
Pizza arrives, and I grab my food. Filled my plate until there was no space left. Proceeded to stuff my face. Guys...I could only eat one slice of pizza and two pieces of cheese bread until I was full. Like, uncomfortably full. I had every intention of demolishing half of everything and then downing a Mountain Dew and calling it a night. But instead, I ate a normal portion. The thought of drinking soda after made me nauseous, so I ended up with a flavored water.
Doing the math as best as I can without having weighed my food, there is a good chance I was still in a calorie deficit. And now, several hours later, I am still satisfied. I have literally slept for a night and woken up and I. Am. Still. Satisfied.
Is this what it's like for people who don't have issues with binging? If so, I never want to go back to how I felt before.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/iv2uxe/proud_of_myself_for_once_nsv/
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