32F
5'4"
CW ~180ish+ lbs
GW 140 lbs
TL;DR ready to get back in the gym and lose the "happy" weight I've gained from being married. Planned course of action: heavy lifting 5-6 days a week, moderate cardio every other day, paired with macro budgeting.
Three and a half years ago I got fed up with all the weight I had gained since starting medication for my mental health. When I started treatment I weighed 130 lbs and a few months later I had gotten up to 160 lbs, I stopped the medicine that was causing the weight gain but the pounds stuck around. I carried around the extra weight for a couple of years before my "fed up" moment.
I decided to get an online coach and finally use the free gym membership that came with my apartment. The coach taught me about macro budgeting and immediately, that day, I changed my entire diet and went to the gym for the first time in my civilian life. For 12 weeks I worked as hard as I could at the program. I ate as clean as I was told to, hitting my budget to the gram every day. My entire life revolved around seeing more and more progress. At the end of the program I had lost maybe 15 lbs on the scale but I felt and looked the best I had ever in my life and that's including my time in the military. I was pretty strong too and my body had a nice aesthetic that showed how hard I had been pushing myself at the gym. I was very happy with myself.
I kept this up for about two years and then I decided that I would like to try a different sport since I was loving lifting heavier and heavier weights so I found a powerlifting coach and moved gyms and started focusing more on strength. To lift heavier you need more fuel so I upped my budget and gained some fat back in my stomach that had been showing signs of abs. That was fine with me. I didn't care about abs.
When I met my husband, at the gym, I was 145 lbs. He moved in and started cooking for me so I became lax with my eating choices. Eventually I realized I had abandoned everything I was taught and everything that I had stuck to for so long. I was eating like him and that was my first mistake because he could eat an entire grocery store and still look better than a greek god whereas I was definitely showing that I was eating good, real good. But I was making impressive progress in the gym so I just shrugged it off. Almost a year ago I stopped working with the coach (not by choice) and slowly stopped going to the gym all together.
Now I'm sitting here at the heaviest I have ever been and I'm back at my "fed up" moment. For the last few weeks I have been actively trying to eat less and make better choices for what I do eat and drink more water. It's not cutting it, it's not enough for me to feel like I'm actually trying. We just bought a house and moved a good bit away from our city and we immediately got him a gym membership at the closest gym that allows powerlifting. I've been wanting to go back to the gym but it's more important that he has access to a gym because he actively competes, I don't, haven't, and have no desire to. We haven't really been able to afford for me to get a membership yet because of the cost of buying a house and everything but I'm tired of hating who I am and what I look like. I'm done looking at my husband and feeling like he deserves somebody who only has one chin and then letting myself get insecure. So this week I put a little money back and next week I'll be adding to that little bit of money and I am fairly certain I'll have saved enough to start my membership. I also already added my membership fee to the budget next month so I know we can afford it. I printed the budget out and hung it on the fridge so I know it's possible and I know we can afford in the event that I start feeling selfish about the added expense.
We went grocery shopping last night and I didn't get my usual snacks and dinners, although my husband was very adamant about me getting these things but in his defence I hadn't been open with him about how I've been feeling. I didn't bring any money for the vending machine today because that's one of my problems but I borrowed two dollars from my coworker and got two Mountain Dews, back to back, and after I drank them I was so mad at myself and decided that's it. I'm done being like this. I'm done looking pregnant and having people congratulate me for being fat. Hello, Fed Up moment.
We already have our groceries for the week but tonight I sent him a text and explained that next week I'm getting back to being strict with my food and that while I appreciate and love him cooking for me, I will be meal prepping and not eating anything I haven't weighed out and counted until I 1) get to a better weight where I don't feel so disappointed with myself and 2) I can trust myself to eat in moderation and not just eat because he's eating. I told him that getting myself back in the gym is important and I would like for that to happen soon. He, of course, is very supportive of it all, because he's an amazing husband, and he is excited to get back to spending time with me at the gym [when he first started trying to flirt with me he would come to my training sessions and help/be supportive/secretly record my lifts so I didn't get nervous and bail, that kind of stuff, so spending time together at the gym is sentimental for us].
So, this isn't really a Day 1 post. More of a Fed Up Moment Is Here post. I am about to figure out my budget for macros and then make a menu and then a grocery list so that on grocery shopping day there's no excuses as to why I'm not prepared to start making better choices. I'm really excited. Typing all of this out made me realize how much I miss training and seeing progress and all of that.
Thank you for being my sounding board. I'm thrilled to support y'all with your journeys and celebrate our victories together.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e691zw/ground_zero_i_just_told_my_husband_its_time_i_got/
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