I'm not quite ready, but I'm ready to acknowledge this.

So I've been lurking on this sub for quite some time, just as an observer, mostly because I was fearful of posting this. I think I need some help.

I am morbidly obese. I have an unhealthy and emotional attachment to food. I have a problem.

I have been on and off a weight loss wagon for as long as I can remember, with varying degrees of success for the duration, but always with the same result: failure and weight gain. I'd get so far and fall apart. In some ways, I lacked support, but if I think about it, I never asked for support when I needed it most.

And I'm getting kind of tired of that.

I have spent a lot of my life being unkind to myself, lacking in self-care, mistreating my body and mind, and generally making myself miserable, and I'm tired of being that negative person.

For a long time, instead of doing something positive, I've been feeling sorry for myself. I've had my fingers in my ears like a child. When the issue of my weight is brought up, I've been stubbornly refusing to accept reality until I dug myself in too deep, and now I'm scared that I'll look stupid for back-pedalling. I'm scared of the "I told you so's." I'm scared of what number will be on the scale when I eventually step on it.

I know I've been stupid. I know I've wasted a lot of years of my life.

But I realise that there's no use in upsetting myself any more than I have already, and if I want to have any years left of my life, I need to fix this.

I might not be quite ready to start that journey today or even tomorrow. I haven't visited a doctor about my weight since my 20s, but I know that I need to forgive myself for my past and stop fixating on it. So I guess this is what I'm doing.

So hi, r/loseit. I am here, and I am ready to forgive myself and move forward.

I think.

submitted by /u/nicetrimwaffles
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ncoyjx/im_not_quite_ready_but_im_ready_to_acknowledge/