I had depression, I fell in love with this girl, who was kissing another dude behind my back and I fell in a deep state of depression.
I couldn’t even remember getting up all summer in 2020. I was at a very lean muscular 220, did every sport, even when I was in my room a lot of the time.
Now, I have no idea how much I weigh, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was 300+, I have love handles and man boobs, my face is full of fat, my thighs are about explode, I stand still and they touch each other. I’m completely angry.
I know I need to be in a caloric deficit, I know I need to get more protein, I know I need to do more weight training and be more active. I have no problem with that. Although when it comes to doing it, I’m scared of my dad walking me in working out,
I don’t get why I’m so scared of people judging me, if I lose weight or not. I deserve to be in shape, and deserve to look amazing.
Also when it comes to diet, I have no control. I for the entire 21 years of life that’s I’ve been living, have just been eating my mothers cooking. I go to work, come home, eat her cooking, dinner eat her cooking.
It’s all Latin American food, I sometimes eat salami for breakfast, because that’s legit how the culture is. I really want to do a meal prep company, so I can schedule my food, the right calories I need and can have control.
Then my dad comes out and says that the microwave kills all the nutrients and I’m basically eating nothing but flavor, and it turns your food into toxic soup, your going to make your body worse even if you work out. I have no idea if that’s true or not, if he’s just throwing bullshit to not make my mom upset.
I want to develop a plan, I want to do this thing, I know what I’m capable of. What should do I here, I feel so god damn, irritated, frustrated and lost. I need a guiding hand.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/nm0onf/completely_frustrated_at_everything_and_myself/
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