Where's the goal and what comes afterwards?

So my journey in short notes:

- overweight girl who became an obese student in college

- started in July 2013 (age 23) with 114kg (251lbs) at 1,63m (5'4'') - BMI 43

- 50kg (110lbs) down in August 2015, so now at 64kg (141lbs) - BMI 24

- problems at work, change of my job twice

- new start in May of 2016 with 68kg (150lbs) - BMI 25,6

- lowest weight ever in December of 2016 at 53kg (117lbs) - BMI 20

- maintained this until ~ April 2017 -> then problems with job and relationship, break-up in April 2018

- break-up weight 68kg (150lbs)

Since then I'm swinging back and forth somewhere between 59 (130lbs) and 68kg (150lbs). It doesn't go higher since my favorite jeans stop to fit at this point and I'm usually disgusted enough with myself to start working out again and eating better. But I also never again managed to get under 60kg (132lbs) longterm. I'm at this for almost 7 years now, last year I turned 30.

Now with quarantine and all I'm back to 64kg (141lbs). I don't doubt that I can manage to get under 60kg (132lbs) once again. It'll take about 2-3 months, but I'm sure I can make it.

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The more important question is: How do I stay there and what do I do then? When my weight starts with a 5, I'm feeling good about myself. I like what I see in the mirror, I fit into a certain pair of pants that just look awesome. Life is good at this point.

But whenever I'm there I need to change my diet. I still work out so I need more than the 1.600kcal (calorie goal while dieting) to maintain this. So naturally I eat more. And then I binge again. And then I think "it's just one kilogram, I can lose that easily!" And before I really realize it I'm back to 64kg and wonder how I got there so quickly. And then the cycle starts again.

So: How do I continue after I reached my goal? It seems that as soon as I go from 1.600kcal to something like 1.800kcal my body thinks "Hey, we get more food, let's ask for it all the time!" and then I get such an urge to binge. And not just on sweets or junk, it's mostly "normal" food.

Also there's a psychological side to this as well: Losing weight has become an integral part of me. Seeing the numbers on the scale going down is always nice. So I'm also kind of wondering what I'm doing when I've reached my goal weight. Like, what numbers can I watch to make me happy?

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Maybe some of you have some insight for this. Thanks in advance.

submitted by /u/nessii31
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/g4oo3g/wheres_the_goal_and_what_comes_afterwards/