Hello folks, first time poster, been lurking for a while. I'm going to get serious about my health and lose weight, but let me word vomit to get some things off my chest.
TL;DR: I'm going to start on this weight-loss journey because my current lifestyle isn't sustainable, and because I need to take responsibility for my health and wellness.
Weight Journey:
TL;DR: Weight was high, but BMI relatively normal during high school. Poor lifestyle choices (mostly) and a depressive episode or two (contributor) caused me to gain 30kg over 4 years.
4 years ago, when I was still in high school and living at home, my weight was pretty normal. BMI of just under 25. I've always been on the chubby end, probably due to the genes I got from my father, and I hold onto weight like nothing else. Wasn't too active either, my 30 minute walk everyday to school was pretty much the bulk of my exercise. My family diet wasn't too consciously healthy, but my weight was kept in check.
Fast forward to university. I moved 3/4 of the way across the country to go to school. First year living on res, the food wasn't too healthy overall. It was also a buffet style cafe, so portion control went out the window. Plus, my res was 20 minutes off campus, so I can never go back for lunch (my classes, labs, tutorials, etc ran 9AM-6PM), so I ate out every single day. The cheapest meals were the most unhealthy. Think: poutine every 3 days or so. Weight went from 70kg to 85kg (freshman 15, but in kilograms, F***). I went back home for the first summer, and proceeded to lose 5kgs just from controlling my portions and eating home-cooked meals all the time. My part-time job as a cashier standing for 8 hours all day probably helped as well.
Second year, what a goddamn shit show. I had to switch out of my original program because my grades weren't cutting it, but the program I switched into wasn't a cakewalk either. The stress built up to anxiety, and I calm myself by eating all the greasy foods in amazing portions. Binging was my way of keeping my anxiety somewhat it check. Well, that fell apart by second semester, and in hindsight I had a full blown depressive episode (not diagnosed, but the symptoms are pretty much the same). I only left my house to get chips, pop, and hot pot ingredients. There was no portion control at all, and several times I ate myself to the point of wanting to vomit. Obviously, I failed that semester and was put on probation for 8 months. At the time, my weight was about 95kg.
My weight dropped a bit to ~90kg over the next 12 months as I lived at home for 8 of them, and my mom joined me at my university for the other 4 months as I repeated 2nd year, 2nd semester (probably to make sure I go crazy and off myself or something). She left for 3rd year, and while my mental health has been generally okay in the first semester, I still have trouble really bringing myself to exercise or control portions. 3rd year 2nd semester, something cracked in me mentally, and I started spiralling down a bit. However, this time around I noticed the signs, and I got my ass to my academic counsellor, who hooked me up with the social worker embedded into my faculty (bless this system). Pulled myself from the edge, and finished the semester with a GPA that is about 2.5/4.0. Not great, but at least I didn't fail any courses and passed the semester; I'll take whatever victories I can from this experience. Still, with no portion control and questionable diet choices (my food of choice was greasy hot pot base + a shit ton of starch/noodles + meat and more meat + some veggies, in a portion that realistically would have fed minimum 2 people). My weight turned to 3 digits, which really scared the FUCK out of me.
So now I am doing a 12 month co-op program. I have more time to focus on my overall health, and I've become really concerned about how fat I am. I have a scary amount of belly fat (3 rolls is not good), stretch marks on my belly and my thighs (which are HUGE), and an extremely jiggly upper arms. Well fuck me.
The Trigger
I was really scared of finding out how my health really is, and put off going to the doctor for MONTHS. Intellectually, I KNEW I NEEDED to find out how my health is and take actions, but I was so SCARED of facing the truth and learning how fucked I am. Well, this month I finally hauled my ass over to my university health clinic and scheduled and appointment with a GP to get an overall health check. Side note: my university health clinic is the only way I can access a GP as I am an out-of-province student, which means no family doctors in my current area would accept me, and walk-in doctors don't seem to be willing to do this sort of longer-term care.
Very efficient doc, ordered a comprehensive blood test for starters and it returned OK? My blood glucose was normal, creatinine levels were fine, triglycerides and total cholesterol levels were also okay. The only abnormal things are I have an abnormally high hemoglobin level (2g/L above upper limit) and high hematocrit level (0.2L/L above upper limit). My HDL level was 0.03mmol/L lower than normal.
I went back for a longer check-up, and I've got high blood pressure. Something like 131/96, which really scared me. My blood pressure was still normal 2 years ago, when I weighed 90kg or so. Doctor examined me, and ordered another round of tests: a blood test to see if the elevated hemoglobin/hematocrit is still present (quote: "I don't know the reason of why it's higher"), as well as blood tests related to high blood pressure (ca, mg, phos), an EKG, and urine tests.
I'M SCARED AS FUCK right now. I'm really really worried that I've damaged my kidneys or my heart from my poor life choices, and my family medical history is not reassuring at all. My maternal grandmother has heart problems, high blood pressure, and had to have a stent put into her heart several years ago, but her issue is only for her heart; my mom's side of the family are all pretty skinny people. My dad's side of the family is a nightmare however: grandma has diabetes, my cousins have all been obese throughout childhood, and one of my cousins had high blood pressure at 26 (it went back to normal once he lost weight and started jogging, maybe there's hope for me as well). My dad had "fatty liver" at 26, currently has gout, and his family doctor has just about given up on his high lipid profile. I feel like a walking landmine. It's also really scary since I'm in my current city alone, all of my family members are several thousand kilometres away and it's scary dealing with these things/possibilities on your own. There's a part of me that wants to run home and cry in my parents arms. I am really ashamed that I let myself become like this.
So that's why I'm going to start on this weight-loss and healthy-living journey. I don't want to put myself at risk any more than I currently am. I have no intention of getting diabetes in my 20s, 30s, and hopefully beyond. I have no intention of getting kidney disease or heart disease at this age. I'm going to change my eating habits, build up a workout habit, and hopefully live chronic disease-free for at least another two decades.
Anyways, thanks for reading up to this point and giving me the time of your day. I really needed to get this off my chest and articulate it somehow.
Side note: If there's one thing I'm happy for, it's that while my mom taught me to accept whatever body shape I am and be comfortable in it, she never fails to remind me of the risks associated with maintaining this weight and body shape. I think this is a very healthy attitude I have, which is why the extreme end of the "fat positive" movement pisses me off. Also, I'd like to thank the Canadian health care system for giving me peace of mind. While I am inconvenienced by that fact that I am out-of-province, it hasn't stopped me from getting the care I needed at very little cost to myself. I only had to pay $49 out of pocket so far for a couple of specific tests that are not covered by my provincial health insurance. Wait times can be a bit long, but it's nice knowing that I can have access to medical care without worrying about my budget.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/dzw4nl/first_time_im_gonna_start_for_the_sake_of_my/
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