For a bit of a back story, I'm a 5'7", 28 year old woman and currently 125kg... I used to weigh 160kg, over the last 5 years I got down to 80kg. I felt amazing, I was so so happy... then I went through a hideous breakup, lost my job, lost my home, my friends, pets and I had to move back home with my parents... I went back up to 135kg from stress eating and falling into terrible old habits that I used as comping mechanisms when my depression was at its worst. Currently, things are looking up for me... I met an amazing man, I've started studying something I love, I have bought a few house hold items to get ready to move out, I started slowly losing weight again... but my self confidence/self esteem and mental health are at an all time low because of my weight gain.
My BF is flying us over to Europe to meet his family for Christmas, I'm nervous about meeting them but what's killing me the most is my weight and how I feel about myself. I've never had a holiday and I've actually never been overseas, and I've always dreamed of going to Europe especially! I'm going to be spending Christmas in a country known to snow during, and I come from Australia so our Christmas are always hot, plus I've never seen snow! I've already spoken to his family quite a bit and they are all so excited to meet me... I've been learning Danish and Swedish. I get to experience my first ever overseas holiday with the absolute love of my life... and yet, I can't get excited because I am just full of self hatred for my body and how I look and anxious about what holidaying as a overweight person will be like. I never did ANYTHING when I was at my heaviest because of how bad my back hurt from the extra weight, I felt so self conscious and ugly so I didn't want anyone to look at me, I didn't want to get puffed or tired walking in front of people, I was worried I wouldn't fit into things or wear cute clothes or take cute holiday photos... when I lost all that weight my entire world opened up. I was so free... but now I'm back in this self made prison and I just can't get my mind out of it.
I'm so so mad at myself, I hate myself. I look in the mirror and see this disgusting, ugly girl and I can't stand her. I could've been wearing super cute winter clothes and taking super cute photos with my BF on my first ever holiday and now I just want to hide myself away from everyone and everything... especially the camera
I'm just so so anxious and I know I should be excited but all I feel is this horrible pit in my stomach and I keep getting teary about it. I guess I'm just looking for some advice or reassurance about it... maybe some advise from people who have travelled while they're still overweight. Maybe I just need to just get this off my chest because I feel like I have no one to talk to about it... I don't want to tell my boyfriend how scared I am because he is SO excited and I don't want to ruin this trip for either of us but at this rate I feel like I'm definitely ruining it for myself :(
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e36yd0/about_to_head_overseas_while_still_obese_and_i_am/
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