Trouble with weight loss while eating at a deficit

So I'm 31F, 166cm/65kg (5'5, 143.3lb), started on September 15 at 75kg (165.3lb). I looked at myself in the mirror and decided it was ENOUGh.

I quit alcohol cold turkey, stopped eating anything even remotely fun (sugar, sweets, pizza, fried food, etc, you get the idea), kept under 1200 kcal every single day even if I worked out (hiking uphill, weight lifting), and even though on most days I lay wrapped in a blanket on the floor, bawling my eyes out because I wanted a cider and a pizza and a ton of cake, I never caved. Some days I even ate under 1000kcal. Not the safest or healthiest of weight loss but I was really really really determined to fit into smaller pants by the time my birthday rolled around and I managed to do it.

I dropped down to 63 kg (138.9 lbs) by November 11, and I couldn't have been happier. My old clothes fit again, my pants don't hurt anymore and I don't feel repulsed by what I see in the mirror.

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BUT - then I had a sort of a breakdown mid november and went on a eating rampage which ended with me barfing up food in the middle of the night because I simply ate too much (if I could choose I wouldn't throw up but at that moment my body decided for me).

Since that day I kept under 1200 every single goddamn day and not only that I stopped losing weight, I even managed to crawl up to 65kg (143.3lb). I calculated my TDEE with several online calculators and all put me at around 1600kcal TDEE to maintain weight and at 1150 to lose weight, which I have been doing.

I log everything I eat into MFP. I weigh every single goddamn thing. I even weigh my lettuce and the oil I put on it, I weigh the butter I use to cook with and I weigh my meat raw. I even weigh my veggies and I don't use any condiments/sauces with hidden sugar. I use vinagrette on my lettuce. I drink my coffee black.

Now can someone please help me understand why THE HECK am I gaining weight ?! I wouldn't have minded if I have been eating properly these past 14 days but I remained in deficit and didn't eat any fun foods, only stupid white turkey meat and veggies and occasional rice, everything weighed and recorded, 95% of times I even overestimate just in case.

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What is going on :( I am slowly losing the will to continue and it's making me miserable, especially since I get to watch my partner eat huge amounts of actual fun food and be skinny AF. It's just not fair. :(

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Any advice would be welcome.

submitted by /u/Khalae
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e3trsh/trouble_with_weight_loss_while_eating_at_a_deficit/