I need help badly.

I don't know how to start this but let me get into it..

I used to be 150/160KG or 352 pounds I slowly started cycling every day to get rid of it for an hour to 2 hours I eventually lost 30 pounds after 5 months or so... After a while, I felt like I was making no progress even though it was visible to others I didn't feel better and I began to feel depressed of always eating the same things every day and always doing the same thing day after day and I eventually stopped and ended up reaching above my original weight hitting 180/185KKG or 407 pounds I was 17 after a year of staying at this weight I decided I need to kick start my life again and try to fix myself and get myself back onto the right track so I heard weight lifting was the best choice I didn't know what was good so I kept spending money on personal trainers and protein and tablets and all of this stuff, I started to build a lot of muscle but I just kept getting heavier and heavier and barely noticed any changes in the mirror after around 9 months, I kept going but then 190 turned into 200kg and it kept going up and up right now I'm probably around 200-210 KG or 440 to 450 pounds around I'm currently 21 years old and I haven't let my weight stopped me from doing anything as I travel from place to place now and then and visit countries but I do spend most of my time seated as work demands so but it's just leading me to being depressed and I've gotten myself into more bad eating habbits and I feel like if I keep going this way I will Die again I hit the age of 50 and it's scaring me behond belief. I don't know how to manage or what plan to follow or how to improve my life I just tend to always give up and I end up gaining more weight than I had. Currently, I still have a gym membership and I tried again with a trainer also but I slowly kept lying to myself and eating habits slowly kicked back in after 3/4 weeks of trying. I need help and I'm not sure what to do.

submitted by /u/Bitter-Interaction
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e35rvr/i_need_help_badly/