ive just had a terrible day/life and i wanted to rant about it so here it goes.
ive been skinny-fat my whole life (currently 5'4 and 110 lbs F), which may sound pretty nice considering ive never had to exercise to maintain a reasonable weight. But ever since I was a kid, I've been reminded that I wasn't like every other "skinny" kid. I was always last in every school race, except for 1 where I came 2nd last out of 500 kids, thanks to a girl who twisted her ankle. I was slower than the boy who was 3x my size, as well as the disabled girl who's arms bent backwards while she ran. I was slower than the kids who walked the race, and the refs would start the 2nd race before I finished running the track. My friends would laugh at me, my best friend would yell at me and call me lazy. I've always tried my best (what kind of kid would want to be last in every race?), but I've always been last. I signed up for extra curricular track/volleyball programs, and went to practise every morning, which caused my gym teachers to hate and pity me for holding my team back. At tennis camp, a kid 4 years younger than me could serve better than me. In 10th grade, my friends and I went to a free gym 5 days a week for 5 months but I still failed every physical test we did at school. I gave up in 10th grade.
For the next 3 years, I lived an absolutely sedentary life. I was always "skinny" so no one teased me about my weight, thus I didnt feel the need to change. However ever since I started college, I've been passing out (like, wake up on the ground w/ ppl surrounding/screaming/staring at me). As of today, I've blacked out 3 times, after getting off a rollercoaster, after climbing up a flight of stairs, and at an outdoors concert. The doctor said I didn't have enough muscle to push blood up to my brain, and in the heat - which causes your veins to dilate - causes me pass out. The paramedics told me I could die. Im only 19.
I signed up for a gym membership, and today was my first day with a personal trainer. He wanted to do some preliminary tests, and told me to do that stepping exercise for 3 minutes. I was gasping for air halfway in. He laughed at me and told me I had the body of a 50 year old.
I'm just so sad. I've tried exercising my whole life, and I've never been good at it. Even when I was at my physical peak in 10th grade, I still couldn't match a single girl my age. I feel guilty for making my single mother waste her money on sports camps and the gym membership when I clearly havent put either to good use. If I have the body of a 50 y/o, I might as well just enjoy my last 30 years while I can.. right? Anyways, the deposit for the personal trainer has already been paid, so I'm just going to keep going to the gym and hope to god that this time will be different. I honestly just dont want to die.
I guess I'm posting this because I wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences. What helps you cope? Did things work out for you in the end? What motivates you to keep going to the gym (besides the deposit...)?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e3aspr/my_experience_being_skinnyfat_some_advice_would/
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