I'm assuming others here know what I'm talking about, and am hoping to find a little bit of comfort in sharing these thoughts.
I was always a really overweight kid, struggled with weight throughout my life. Over the course of a few years (with ups and downs of losing then gaining some back etc), I've lost about 50 pounds and have managed to keep myself at about 132-135 pounds for the last few years. I'm a 5'1 female, so this weight range is at the upper end of what BMI considers healthy weight. People always tell me I'm small, especially people who have seen my transformation over the years, but I can rarely see that. I look in the mirror and see someone who is still obese. I think I've come to realize that this may always be a struggle. If I could lose another 20 pounds, I'd be very thin and would probably still see the 180 pound teenager I used to be. Sometimes I jokingly say that I won't have lost enough weight until I literally disappear but there's some truth in the never ending dissatisfaction.
Sometimes I think this is a good weight, the I should just focus on maintaining here, but that always feels like I'm giving up. Yet I don't really NEED to lose much more weight, if any. Maybe just a few for a comfortable buffer when I inevitably gain a few over the holidays. I kick myself for barely being able to drop a pound a week these days, yet can't be content with calling this a good spot.
I just need to vent because this cycle sucks. I eat relatively clean most of the time and exercise, and continue to do so because aside from how I look, I do want to live a long healthy life and try to stave off some of the health problems that come from a less healthy lifestyle. But there's just always that voice in my head telling me I'm too big still and it sucks.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/nctcov/warped_body_image/
No comments:
Post a Comment