Upped My Cals and Feel Like a Failure

I have a ton of weight to lose, over 150lbs.

I get discouraged because the number is so big and so am I. I, obviously have an eating disorder, but my background is both binge eating and starvation diets. I was anorexic and bulimic during my teen years and it was the only time I was ever a “normal” weight.

Whenever I go down in calories, say to lose 2lbs a week, I suddenly mess everything up. I don’t know what happens. I really need an eating disorder specific therapist to work on this with, I’m just not in a great financial place at the moment, but it’s like the second I lower my calories to 2lb weekly loss, nope. I start binging and feeling extremely deprived. Which is really scary because my calories will only go down as I lose. It must be triggering something in me.

I’ve been failing to stay on target, so I put myself back up to 1.5lb weight loss per week cals, but it makes me feel like a failure. Like I used to be able to starve myself, but I can’t go down a few hundred calories??? I don’t get myself.

submitted by /u/EBeewtf
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/n60qv7/upped_my_cals_and_feel_like_a_failure/