Hi y'all.
Sorry to post here with such a young account, but I've made it pretty much just for this subreddit. I have no one in my personal life that I can talk to about this, and so I hope to find some advice from a community of people who've struggled with and with worse than what I have. Forgive me if I sound ignorant about anything, but I'm completely new to talking about this stuff so, forgive me. Plus my grammar and terminology is all over the place, so, forgive me for that too please.
I have been overweight to borderline obese my entire life, with the exception of 3-4 years as a child I spent anorexic. I noticed my weight problems at around the age 13, when my younger brother took up weightlifting. I should note he has never been my weight, and that he's never struggled with it. He is and has always been an extremely active person. My problems with jealously began here too...
At 14 I tried my luck at relationships, and asked out a friend of mine. She told me, "I would rather be dead." word for word. That was the real eye opener too me. When I got home that day, her words still ringing in my brain, I looked in the mirror for the first time and knew that I didn't blame her. I realized that year how much I hated the body I'm in, and the life I'd forged for myself, and the person I was. And so, I set out to change. I started to go weightlifting with my brother. Five days a week, following his workout routine. I tried to restrict my diet then, but to be honest it didn't workout well. I did manage to drop soda, but I took up espressos in it's place. I went out of my way to ensure I never filled my stomach with anything, be it fried chicken or vegetables. It was tough for a 250 pound pile of dough to follow his 150 pound powerhouse younger brother's routine, but I'm happy to say I was able to keep up for a while. But that was up until I picked up a second job. I had been at it for about a two months, the weightlifting, but my patience ran out when I got onto the scale and saw 250lbs for 8th week in a row. And so, I basically gave up on it there, and focused on my jobs.
I felt guilty as Hell for not being there with my brother in the mornings. I got into the gym every now and again, and I still do, but it is no where as frequently as it was before. I tried to keep up some sort of exercise, so I've worked in two hour walks into daily life, which I am happy that I have still been able to keep up. My next real try at loosing weight was when I tried the keto diet with my friend K, who had also struggled with her weight her whole life. We shared our meal plans, ate together more often then not, and all that. But after three months on the diet, which my family including my up till now supportive brother had harshly criticized me for, I gave up on it too after I had lost less than 2 pounds while K lost nearly 10. By now I felt like losing my mind, and looking back on it, if I had just lost my mind back then it would have saved me a lot of pain.
After that I was pulling hair out desperate for some way to lose weight a healthy way, and so I figured that I must be ready to lose whatever to try and lose weight. I dropped a job, and started going to the gym again with my brother. I spent as much free time as I could at the gym. That was never more than about three hours, but that's a lot too me. I restricted eating at all unless I absolutely needed to. Even then it was never anything that caloric. I even took up just eating raw tomatoes to try and lie to everyone about me getting enough to eat. I was dropping out of plans with friends, and missing work because of how sore my legs and back would be after a long day of exercise. It made me feel like a garbage can. There my family got involved again, telling me how unhealthy what I was doing to myself was, and so, again, I had to stop. I was like that for about a month, and lost maybe four pounds. But I usual fluctuate from 245-50 with water weight anyway. The one thing I did take away from that all was that I did feel stronger for a while, but that didn't last either.
At this point I was at a melting point. I had just turned 17. I looked on the last three years and all I could see was wasted time. This is about when I developed the eating habits I have now. I rarely get to the gym anymore as I'm a joke to the guys who go there now. I took up a second job to try and occupy my mind with as many hours of work as possible. I basically turned into a zombie in 2018. I only ate when I had too again, to try and make sure my family wasn't worried. I still went on my walks, but I'm constantly looking for something that can take my mind off of it. I gave up espresso for a while, I didn't eat candy or cakes, and just, shut down for a real long time. I tried my best to go out with friends, but they always, always go to a restaurant. I had felt hopeless since the beginning, but now more than ever I felt like I would never change. Around this time I got pressured into asking another friend out. And, just like the friend I had asked before, she said "Dating you would be Hell man.". That's when I took up fasting.
I tried intermitted fasting, and found that it took longer than a day for me to get noticeably hungry. And so I extended the fast to two days. Then to three. And before I knew it I was just, not eating. I went a week without eating one time when my family had finally noticed. They held an intervention for me, saying that I would just die if I kept this up. And man, at that point and up till now, I think that's probably just the only option I have left now. I'm 18 now, soon to turn 19 in January. I still fast every other week for the Hell of it, but for just two or three days. I'm just counting calories and trying to get exercise into my day now whenever I can. But it's of course not doing anything. Last month I saw my reflection in a mirror we've had since I was 9. I flipped out for just a second too long and punched the mirror, shattered it. I shaved the other day and cut myself just staring at my fat face. I noticed that I have some flab on my arm now, and spent about three hours today crying in my bathroom.
WELL ANYWAY. I had to rant, sorry if it was too much or not allowed here or anything. I was gonna just ask if it was normal to go a few months on a diet or a exercise routine and not lose any weight, but it turned into this so. I don't know. Anyway, thank you for your time! I hope you have a good day, good night, and Sweet Dreams!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/e0x1hm/is_it_normal_for_change_to_take_years_sometimes/
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