TLDR: Diagnosed with binge eating disorder last July and lost 115 lbs through therapy and self discipline
I’ve wanted to lose the weight for years, but I could never stick to a plan. I’d get motivated and completely fall apart after a week or two. It took me a lot of therapy and self awareness to realize food wasn’t my problem.
Last July I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder. An eating disorder that often gets ignored. Nobody associates 350+ pounds with eating disorder. But it’s just as damaging as anorexia or bulimia, and there’s so much shame that comes with it.
I love food. I used to eat until I literally couldn’t eat anything else. During high stress innings of baseball games, I’d kill an entire bag of hot Cheetos or a whole box of hot tamales and still want more food.
I constantly think about food. What my next meal is, where it’s coming from and what time I get to eat. My therapist recently asked me to think about how much time I’ve spent thinking about food instead of focusing on what’s around me, and it’s helped me change my mindset.
I used to feel so powerless around food. Like I’d lose all senses and just eat. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s would be gone in minutes and I’d still be reaching for the Doritos. I desperately wanted to gain control, but it felt impossible.
Coming down from a binge eating session was always so devasting. I would tally the amount of calories I had digested and I’d feel disgusted. I hated the way I looked, the way overeating made me feel. I desperately want to go back in time and undo the binge.
Hiking has been my escape. When I feel bored or snacky, I get out in the mountains. I don’t worry about food up there. I don’t let food take away from the beauty I’m surrounded by.
I’m amazed by the things I can do now. I walked 5 miles this morning in 90 minutes. I went on vacation without renting a car. We walked 5-7 miles a day. I jumped over stadium seats without even thinking.
I’m not quite to my goal weight, but I’m in the best physical shape of my life. I feel great, but some days I struggle. I’ve also been diagnosed with body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror and I still see 350 lbs staring back at me. I find faults and I pick at them.
“I hate my arms.”
“I wish my stomach was flat.”
“My thighs are so fat.” (etc.)
But, I’m slowly learning how to feel comfortable in my new body. I spend lots of time looking at photos of myself, because I just don’t recognize myself. It’s been quite a journey.
I have a wonderful support group and I feel so incredibly lucky. I never imagined I’d be here and I just feel so good. 💙
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mlo159/recovering_binge_eater/
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