I wrestled when I was younger, I often cut weight by barely eating and limiting my water, the wrong way to do things. It became a habit of cutting and binging. I often rember eating multiple meals to fulfill the fantasy I created in my head as I was starving. As I grew up the cutting ended but the binging never did.
I gained weight drastically and I saw it in the mirror. I felt helpess as I watched my body turn into a seemingly alien creature before my eyes. I fianlly woke up when my girlfriend at the time mentioned she wanted to lose weight earlier this year. Viewing it as a kind of wake from my stupor I hopped on it immediately and started dieting and working out. Early March she left me and broke my heart. It derailed me from my progress and I started to eat more and workout less.
Until today, after a particularly bad day at work I decided to work out. I decided to fianlly try and regain control over my life from the alien creature I had become. My work outs shifted from convicning myself I had worked out, and lying to myself enough to be guilt free, to a battle to gain myself back.
I won't weigh myself because I don't want to assign my goal to a number, and I am scared of reverting back to cutting.
CW:??? GW: When I can look in the mirror and not hate what I see.
I will push this parasite that has taken my body out, one drop of sweat at a time. This is the first brick of the foundation that will be my newfound life.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mqghzm/my_start/
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