I am having a really hard time and feel more and more hopeless as more time goes by and my efforts at turning things around continue to fail. I struggled with weight most of my adult life until around 4 years ago when I began doing strict CICO and got down to 119 lbs, which is still a little on "thicker" side given how short I am, but I was for the first time ever feeling good in clothes and confident in my ability to finally achieve and maintain a healthy weight. Then I began medical school, some very stressful circumstances occurred in my family life around the same time, and I fell into stress eating. Something takes over when I am studying for an exam that I am stressed out of my mind about, and I turn into some kind of binge-eating monster who cannot chill out and focus until she's stuffed her face with every last junk food that stress is making her crave. On top of that, there is so much free food available in medical school, but it's rarely anything healthy or at least low-calorie, so I'm stuck in a constant no-win situation where I'm either riddled with guilt because I spent money I don't really have on a salad or, alternatively, because I ate the free pizza at the hospital to save the money.
I'm just stuck in a complete rut and feeling levels of self hatred and disgust that make me never want to leave my bed again, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what weight I'm up to now because I stopped weighing myself when I realized that it only ever upset me and never motivated me to finally get my act together, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was up to 150 by now. I'd like to start regular therapy to see if that did anything at all for me since the antidepressant I'm on isn't helping, but my clinical rotation schedule unfortunately makes it virtually impossible to make happen. I don't even know what the purpose of this post is other than venting some of my sadness and frustration. I graduate in about a year and really hope I can figure out a way to not be fat by then.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/lqx48f/i_hope_nonpositive_posts_are_allowed_here_ive/
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