I am fat but I don’t believe I’m massive. I’ve had my partner tell me to lose weight. This isn’t a big deal, like of course I’d like to be fit and I understand the appeal. I’d need to lose 15-20 kilos. I hold it in my big hips and thighs. And I do try to maintain healthy habits. I just sometimes have too much toast or whatever.
But when I was a kid my family members would tell me to lose weight and be like my size 6 (au) cousin when I was a 10-12. They compared me to her a lot actually - we were/are very close. She’s a ballerina. Objectively I really was not big but I wasn’t fit. Then came the bad relationship with food and not eating or overeating. Which I am slowly overcoming.
Anyway... I want to remain fat out of spite. If I lose weight, then those people will “accept” me... but I hate that idea. I hate that they will only like me if I’m skinny. I know I’m in a damaging mindset and I’ve been in a bad headspace. I’m of course trying my hardest to be healthy but I don’t want people to like me mainly because I’m skinny. Or maybe they just think I will be happy if I’m slim? I don’t know. Please help me with perspective. I understand we are attracted to different things but.. ugh help.
Do I just hate myself? Is it all an excuse? Like I wanna be fit but not because they told me too and then if I lose weight they will be all “wOooOw! Look at you go!!”Ugh. I’ve fluctuated weight before and it’s always the first thing my mum/dad/grandparents all say.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k6eedc/i_want_to_remain_fat_out_of_spite_any_help_for/
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