36M. 225 6'0. 38 waist. I hate myself every single day. As soon as I put clothes on, I am filled with negative thoughts. I berate myself because I'm fat.
I was fat most of my life. Twice I enjoyed periods of healthy weight, both after hard breakups I looked and felt great. I felt like the world was with me.
Now, I have a live in girlfriend who doesn't take my struggle seriously. She knows how I feel. How I hate myself. And yet she still brings snacks home. Still orders takeout. Nags me about so many things except the one goddamn vice I NEED to fix.
I can't blame her. It's me. It's always been me. But why can't the load be lessened? I go back and forth between "if you're a strong man it doesn't matter what she has in the house, she shouldn't be deprived because you are weak" and "why can't she just care to help." Most of the time I settle on the former. Those times when I do ask her, she responds just like i thought. She says why shouldn't she have things she likes.
The self loathing prevents me from binging. Because I'm so worthless I don't deserve that pleasure. So I have leaned into it.
Thanks for listening
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k6edau/i_hate_myself/
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