Spiraling down with my mental health, spiraling up with my weight. I was so proud of my weigtloss. I threw out all my big clothes. Now I gained over half of it back. I can only wear the baggiest clothes in my closet. I hate myself for this.
I know this year has been hard on all of us. For many a lot harder than for me. But man I can't take it any more. College classes only as videos that I can watch whenever made me lose all fun in my studies. I know I should do it but I don't and instead feel bad. My boyfriend of 4y breaking up with me because he doesn't want to me monogamous anymore has been the worst time of my life. It's been 5 months and I'm not over it, not even a little bit. After the initial I can't eat because I'm sad weightloss it turned into a binge that's been going on.
So the result is me crying over my broken heart, my chubby hips, me being lonely and feeling bad about not studying and my not fitting clothes.
Instead of doing anything to change that, I pretend to be productive with buying presents and baking Christmas cookies. Which is not exactly helping!
The cherry on top is the Christmas weigh in. It's been a tradition in my extended family, we get together on Christmas, everyone steps on the scale. There are charts over the years. It's not mean, it's more fun. I was so damn proud last year. This year at least I won't have to step on in front of the whole family but I'm still dreading it.
I'm incredibly unhappy with my weight and I don't think Im gonna be able to change anything this year. I'm going to be starting the hard way in January again. But then again I remember how my last trys "starting over" went.
I'm sure a lot of you feel somewhat similar. Anyway I just don't know how to get out of this hole I dug for myself. Would be happy for any advice.
Keep going strong people, love you all
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k5u4px/guys_im_spiraling/
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