From chubby to muscular skinny fat and I’m now as thin as when I was 14 and bulimic, just did it healthy this time.

Hey everyone!

I hope you’re not struggling a lot right now through the holiday season and food consumption. If you are, it’s okay just remember that a couple of holiday meals will not ruin your long term progress as long as you stick to it and create lifestyle changes.

On my end the struggle is a lot more mental right now A month ago I finally lost my double chin which has been the bane of my existence for years and I finally really love my face shape. Over the past year and a half I’ve slowly changed my eating habits and patterns as well as went to the gym 5x a week doing heavy weightlifting. My caloric deficit was very slight so as I put on muscle the scale wasn’t really budging and I was doing something called body recomposition. Through the pandemic there has been 2 lockdowns where the gyms closed in my area and I’m proud to say that I went there both very last days it stayed open and the very day it opened again.

The gym really allowed me to have 2h a day where I did not have to think, where I could get serotonin boosts, it was also my controlled variable to make sure I was still making consistent progress even when I was insecure. It was my routine even when I was severely depressed and still wanted to lose fat. It kept me on track even when I ate bigger meals for special occasions.

Now it’s closed, and I lost my favourite coping mechanism.

I’m still eating at a caloric deficit, so I know I’m making progress. However my current body looks the same as 14 years old bulimic me. I had a very early puberty and pretty much everything had grown out by the time I hit 14 so no worries here. I wasn’t super thin either, I was slightly chubby back then (in my head or memories) but I got compliments from peers that told me that I had a very beautiful shape. Honestly, I always replied that I looked good clothed and not naked. Due to my ED there was a lot of muscle loss and fat stored that couldn’t really be seen clothed.

Thought now I recovered and my ED behaviours are long gone. It’s under control, but the mental part of it still hurts. And I’m now ranting/venting because this current body that I achieved through healthy sheer hard work and commitment, reminds me of one of the least healthy times of my life. One I barely have memories of, and they are uncovering themselves in front of me as I face this part of my fatloss journey.

Usually, I would just stop thinking about it, hit the gym, feel better and trust the process. But the gym isn’t there anymore, and I have to go through the toughest part of my whole journey without it. It really is crushing me.

rant over, thank you if you made it this far.

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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k5k768/from_chubby_to_muscular_skinny_fat_and_im_now_as/