I’m pretty new to this sub but I’ve seen so much amazing support and help from others, and I’m hoping for a little bit of advice (and maybe just to vent a little). This might not be the right place but I figured some of you may understand and have some insight.
Background: I (29F) have been with my partner (30M) for 13 years. We got together real young and we’ve both gained about 20-30 pounds since we were teens. I’ve been unhappy with my weight since forever and have been cycling between 120-160 for the last 11 years, but I haven’t been able to keep the weight off. My partner is very supportive superficially - compliments me and tells me I don’t need to lose the weight but that he supports my choices - but he is not willing to provide any practical support with regard to my diet and exercise goals.
We are both working from home full time and the pandemic has been really hard on both of us socially and professionally. I’m also halfway through a Master’s program so I’ve got another 30-40 hours of schoolwork a week on top of my work work. But I still cook dinner for us almost every night and make breakfast for us almost every morning. I have asked him if he can cover one meal a week, and it’s like pulling teeth. He just wants to order takeout or snack while he plays video games, while I am stuck at my computer working for sometimes 16 hours straight with no time to make a healthy(ish) meal.
He is also taking my newest attempt to lose weight really personally. I try not to shit talk my body, and I try not to blabber about calories etc. with him, but he’s still telling me that my renewed focus on losing weight is making him feel super insecure and self-deprecating. That’s a big reason I joined this subreddit, so I could have other people to talk to about this stuff, but I’m also trying to prioritize nutrition and exercise IRL so it’s going to come up. I’m trying to be sensitive and not talk about it in a way that makes him compare himself to me, but he keeps getting upset.
He has told me that he wants to be supportive of my goals and that he’s willing to pull some extra domestic responsibility while I’m in grad school, but so far he hasn’t followed through. I am feeling really burnt out and I know I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do but I really wish I could depend on my partner to want to take care of me when I’m overwhelmed. And I just can’t.
Sorry for going on and on. If anyone is dealing with/has dealt with a similar dynamic with a partner or family, and you have any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/igucgm/struggling_with_partner_supportinsecurity/
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