I made a post off my main account. An assertion that this was my year. That I would not be fat one more year. That December 22, 2020 I would be holding my new baby. In a tired, but strong body. That was now fit, and had somehow carried two beautiful babies. I would have done the impossible and I was going to show everyone that I could be amazing too. I could be one of the success stories.
The baby didn't come. We tried and tried. The husband left. The weight came....and didn't stop until it created a 300 pound woman. The phobias took over. Who knew fear of highways was a thing? The pills and zoom therapy and journaling and self love instagram accounts and books. There were so many resources. Nothing helped.
So now I am back. Sadder and fatter. Certainly poorer and more afraid. There's no pretty picture at the end, but my motivation is stronger then ever. I am going to find a way to love this fat, disgusting failure of a person. I am actually, quite disgusting and fat right now, so it's not cruel- just factual. I am going to find a way to love her though. I will do it and then I am going to nuture the shit out of her. I'm going to fix her up and make her lovable, even if only to herself.
Thanks for giving me the space to come back...again.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/kikjws/i_am_going_to_be_one_of_you/
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