Tired and sad.

I'm sure you've all this sob story before....

My whole life, I stayed very, very underweight. I was an avid dancer, and simply had a light metabolism as a kid as most do. I stayed 123 pounds for years, and I'm 5'6". I was super self conscious about my weight, and knew I wanted to do something - not for confidence, but for my own health (I have major anxiety).

Flash forward to age 15. I became clinically depressed, for reasons completely unrelated towards my weight - but of course, it didn't help. The good news is, I put on weight and became a good "middle ground" - bad news is, I put on too much.

...or so I think. I'm not sure. I'm nervous that I'm having a bad case of body dysmorphia, for all I've known is being underweight is normal, so maybe I'm a normal weight now but think I'm overweight? I don't know. I'm 18, still 5'6", and now I'm 174 pounds, I think - I stopped weighing myself in October.

Regardless, I try to work out, and I will for a couple days, but then I'll make excuses. Stall. Procrastinate. Again, I don't need to explain myself - you all understand. But here's where I get messed up: I'm stuck. Seeing all of your stories makes me so inspired and happy, and I feel like working out and getting my life back together, but after one workout, I quit.

My diet isn't great, I'm American, so take that how you'd like... I think my main problem is portion control, and every time I try to find a plan to help myself with eating habits, like working out, I get discouraged.

As for my weight goal, I don't know what it is. Maybe, realistically, about 135-140. I don't want to go back to what I was, but I also don't want to be who I am right now.

I might delete this later, because this isn't anonymous (that's me on the profile picture!) and I'm quite embarrassed, because I feel like I'm complaining. Regardless, any advice would be really appreciated - I just wanna get better and be like everyone on this sub.

Thank you. (:

submitted by /u/emily-famlorenzo
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/kimfyt/tired_and_sad/