I've always been overweight, although for most of my life it was around 10-20 pounds overweight, which (at least compared to now) isn't so bad. I grew up in poverty and had a pretty bad childhood, like most people who are morbidly obese, in addition to having autism spectrum disorder, and used food to cope with my emotions. I did attempt to lose weight several times as a child and was successful for a little while, but I would be extremely angry all the time, so I used that as a justification for why I'd rather just be obese. After I became an adult, the food problem got much worse, resulting in me becoming 385 pounds.
My mental health was horrible - I used to think that I would much rather die than lose weight because food was the only thing I had in life and nothing was worth losing it. I posted on a few forums (I think even here lmao) saying that losing weight was pointless and dying earlier was better, or something like that.
I went to therapy for it and have been in therapy for around 2 years, was diagnosed as a food addict during that time period, but overall feel much better now mentally. I also feel much more in control of my food habits, when I've made poor food choices recently it felt like a choice whereas I felt possessed by the foods beforehand. Despite this, I didn't actually make any conscious attempts to lose weight -- I just stopped binging 5k-10k+ calories at once (I used to do this basically every day and would sometimes stay up until 3AM just to sneak out of the house and binge on food) but I still overate a lot in general (big portion sizes) because it was what I was used to.
I just graduated from university in May and am now working as a software developer and making a middle class income for the first time in my life. I feel so secure now and I finally have the mental energy to focus on building a healthy lifestyle (although exercising is going to suck). I used to worry about not graduating from university, becoming homeless, having to move back in with abusive relatives, etc. but those worries are gone, leaving my biggest worry to be developing health problems in the future (I also want to live a "normal" life, including being a semi-normal-sized person now that I know it's possible since I was able to resolve the financial component of my life).
I now feel ready to put concerted effort into losing weight. I want to live a happy life, and I don't want to stop being able to walk at 29, or get type 2 diabetes at 25, or have a heart attack or be on tons of medications. When I overeat junk food, I feel really uncomfortable and I want to feel comfortable in my body, so I've started eating drastically less, eating healthier, home-cooked foods (more fruits/veggies, etc.) and counting calories again for the first time in so many years. I've already lost 10 pounds (it's been about 5 days), which is a nice motivational start even though most of it is probably water weight. It's really hard for me to exercise, but I am doing a little and I feel a lot more able to move around just from not overeating all the time. I do already feel a lot healthier just from not eating so much junk.
I'm mostly posting this for my own reference, but feel free to comment if you'd like. I'm excited to focus on this goal and am looking forward to how much better I'll gradually feel as I lose pounds. I believe that with my improved mental health and now having the lowest stress levels I've ever had in my life, that I can do it.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ka3rcv/finally_doing_it/
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