I can't remember the last time I had a truly healthy relationship with food. I had anorexia and bulimic tendencies as a teenager. When I met my SO he helped my overcome my ED. A few years passed and I gained a lot of weight mindlessly eating and eating basically whenever I wanted. I didn't notice it, or I didn't acknowledge it seriously. It came on gradually. (I lived in stretchy clothes for I don't know how long.) By the time I recognized it as an issue I felt like it was to great an obstacle to overcome.
Fast-forward my pity party of not fixing anything, I step on the scale for the first time in years. 223 lbs. (5 '7 female for reference) It hit me hard and I decided it was time to change. My motivation was mostly aesthetics tbh. I go through the motions of what I know will work. Calorie counting, taking up jogging again. A year later I'm down 85 lbs and out of the obese BMI range.
I'm happy with my results, but regretfully I didn't come out of the experience significantly healthier. Mentally, at least. Inside I'm still a fat kid lol. More recently I've decided I have to be HEALTHEIR, not just loose weight. And really, all I know is loosing weight.
I struggle with all the ED habits from when I was a teenager. Thinking about food 24/7, just waiting for the next time I can eat. Jonesing for my fix of something sugary. It's not AS bad. I eat healthy foods, but I have a binge problem I'm tackling.
I wrongfully thought once I lost weight I would be "fixed". I don't even know what it's like to have a healthy relationship with food. It's always controlling me in some way.
This is my first post and it's all over the place and self indulgent. I apologize for that.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k9imx0/cant_find_balance_between_inner_fat_kid_the/
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