Hello people of r/loseit. I just want to share my story and would appreciate any advice anyone would give.
I am 163cm/5'3" tall, and started my nth weightloss journey on January 2020 weighing 89.9kg/196lb, and has reached 75.8kg/165lb three days ago. It's then when I relapsed. I got the news that I failed some classes, and some bad news from family, plus I got my period and its accompanying cramps. I felt like I was crumbling, so I went back to the only thing I knew would make me feel better: food.
I am ashamed to say this; I've never been as happy this whole year as I've been those 3 days. A few weeks ago, I started feeling weak and tired all the time, so I decided to start counting calories even though it triggered my binges due to past diets. I decided to consume between 1200-1300kcal a day, as I am not very active during the day (I only study, do chores and walk 10000 steps a day, but I try to work out from time to time, like jumping rope or on the elliptical). But it didn't help my physical state, and my mental state got even worse. Because of the accumulation of stress that happened three days ago, I just couldn't resist and threw the work of a whole month down the trash.
I am addicted and emotionally attached to food. I can't stop eating, and I never feel full. My stomach would hurt from the amount of food I eat, but I never feel full. I would eat all day, and still feel like I ate nothing. My stomach would even grumble 5 minutes after I eat. I am so ashamed of myself. I literally gained 3.4kg/6.6lb in 3 days, but during those three days I never felt tired, I never felt like crying, I never felt irritated and I never lost my cool like the past 3 months.
My parents can in no way afford to take me to a psychiatrist. My mom's only advice is to "eat whatever you want but in moderation". It is working with my sister who is losing weight with no struggle, but she knows fully that I can't control my eating; once I start, I never stop. My dad on the other hand is pushing my sister and I to lose weight and to be in a normal BMI range, even though he knows that I've been struggling with weight my whole life (I have been underweight and ill from 0 to 8, and I've been overweight since I recovered from my unknown problem from 8 to 19, which is my current age) and have been ridiculed for my weight my whole life, to the point that any remark on my weight, good or bad, would affect me negatively.
I've been spewing excuses all this post, pathetic I know, but this is literally what goes in my mind.
Any piece of advice would be much appreciated. I just want to be healthy and happy, I don't want to sacrifice one of the two.
Thank you for reading
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fon1ez/i_cant_do_this_anymore_i_am_weakminded/
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