This is so stupid, but yesterday I went to buy gardening supplies and I got a 20 kg (44 lb) bag of soil and as I was fighting to get it inside the car I realized that's how much I lost so far. Also how much I still need to lose. And I should have felt, idk, good because it's a lot of weight to lose but instead I just feel empty. I was carrying around two bags like that on my body for how many years? Who knows the damage I did to myself, to my joints and organs. And the worst part is that I got that big because of an eating disorder, but society only recognizes eating disorders if you're underweight, so when I basically put on all that weight in one year...nobody worried. People either pretended not to notice or mocked me. When I told my mom I was in therapy (after months of her ranting about me 'letting myself go' and 'being lazy'), she spent one week crying and saying it was all her fault but then was all 'Well you're an adult so just pull yourself together and lose the weight'. Idk. I'm exhausted. I lost the last ten years of my life to this shit - the overeating, the guilt, the things I gave up because I was ashamed or simply not fit enough to do them - and the thought that after all that I still have an entire bag of soil to lose...I just want to sleep for a month.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/nlapz6/feeling_down/
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