I’ve lost nearly 35 lbs since December of 2019. I am so proud of the fact that I have been able to consistently, albeit slowly, lose weight without gaining any of it back. I KNOW how to lose weight and I KNOW how to be consistent. But my bipolar has made it so incredibly difficult to keep going.
My biggest problem is when I’m hypomanic, I have so much motivation, energy, clarity, positivity, and ideas that I feel like I can start going to the gym 5-7 days a week for the rest of my life, cook almost all of my meals, sometimes work out multiple times a day, encourage my friends who are also pursuing weight loss, etc. My best effort lasted a couple of months.
Inevitably I crash. Most times, my depressive episodes have no trigger. Some do, but most don’t. When I crash, I have no energy for the gym. I have no energy to cook or even clean my house. I can hardly work, but I’m self employed so thankfully I’m able to take time off any time I need. I tend to eat a lot of fast food because I can’t handle cooking and cleaning. I’ve improved to eating things like salad, grilled items, or even not minding junk food and just logging my food and staying in a mild deficit-maintenance. This can last for days or even months at its worst, but typically I’m back to hypomania in a couple of weeks.
I’m thankful to understand WHY I’m like this now, as I was just diagnosed last week, but this has been a lifelong struggle. I’m so tired of it. The thought of “it’s not my inability to get my shit together, it’s my mental illness” is just as daunting as it is comforting. On the one hand, I’m not a lazy POS. On the other, this will be a lifelong struggle that I have no control over, even with medication because it’s not perfect. While I can manage my bipolar, I can’t make it go away.
Anyway, back to weight loss. I’ve been trying hard not to beat myself up because I’ve been in a depressive episode again, and getting out of it is so hard. I really want to be to my goal by my 25th birthday this summer. It’s 20 pounds away. I was on track this year to be WAY early, so it wasn’t even pressure at all. I’m over halfway there, but now because of depressive episodes I’m cutting it closer and closer. I feel almost incapable of meeting my goal because I have no idea when my depressive episodes will make my weight loss come to a screeching halt. I do manage to maintain during my episodes which I am SO proud of. That never used to be the case.
I feel pathetic and weak watching my friends and other people on this sub be able to have consistent weight loss without the CONSTANT stop/start/stop/start that’s really slowing me down. I know any progress is progress. I know that maintenance is progress. I know a downward trend is great, I should be proud that I haven’t given up, and that time is irrelevant. But I’m only 24 years old, and I’m angry that I feel like I have the endurance of someone who doesn’t really want to try. I am extremely goal oriented and driven. To feel like I can’t stick to my goals consistently is devastating.
Can anyone relate at all? Do I just need to accept that this is my life and be thankful I’m still losing at all? I could really use some pointers. Thank you 🖤
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/n58ay3/recently_diagnosed_with_bipolar_2_rapid_cycling/
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