I am freshly started on my latest jaunt to healthy. I’ve binged a large portion of my life for what I’d say was sport. Today is day 2, of the latest journey my husband and I have been on. For the record we are binge eaters and drinkers alike and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to back my way into the “why” behind it.
Does anyone else feel naughty doing it? Like it’s subversive to go from sweet to salty and back and forth until you’re so full you’re tired from carb overload and what’s likely a massive sugar spike? Of waiting until the kids go to bed to dig into whatever they haven’t ravaged or worse what you’ve been hiding from them??
Tonight it hit me. I don’t put myself or my health first, almost ever. I live in service to my family most days and nights and I am worn out. Excessive food and drink has been my “reward”. When I’d make plans to start exercising or eating well I’d derail myself by over celebrating 20lbs lost instead of powering through. Instead of believing in my own willpower and putting passion behind my goals. My life has been so focused on everyone else, ever since childhood honestly, I’ve poured all my emotions into distancing myself from the feeling that I’ve never truly been willing to focus on myself. I guess maybe I’ve been worried I would hate myself more?
Tonight instead of reaching for a bar of chocolate or a shot of tequila I went on a ride to run an errand to mail letters I haven’t gotten out in far too long. It was a long day of bitter emotions with my kids not listening, repeating myself endlessly and feeling just....invisible. The perfect storm for a binge to cheer up. Tonight I put my kids to bed and instead of flopping on the couch to watch my husband play video games I am on my recumbent bike in the basement. Spending time with just ME. I can read what I want, watch what I want, and I’m exercising too. Actually processing the day in a more healthy manner. Sitting with myself and my feelings too.
The pursuit to wellness is about so much more than just eating. It’s about getting to know yourself. Pushing through desire and focusing on what you really want and it’s rarely the food you’ve barely been tasting and shoveling for years. It’s about feeding what I truly believe is a hungry heart. Geneen Roth wrote a book titled this and I think it finally resonates.
Anyway, onward and downward I guess!! Brain dump over.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gvjxys/nsv_emotional_eating_you_dark_mistress_ive/
That is a great start and I happy for you.
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