This post might be a bit long, so I apologise in advance.
Anyway so I have been losing weight for 3 months now and have gone down from 145lbs to just under 120 as of yesterday (I'm just 5'1, 20F), have been eating 1200 cal a day, some days a bit more, some less... and I have never felt deprived, I've been feeling great!
However, I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things. I do have a history of mental illness (but have been off medication for years now), but I still struggle sometimes. The past few years I have been growing lonelier and lonelier. As I started university, I had to move away from all of my friends and because of my circumstances, I had to pick up multiple jobs just to pull myself through my studies and pay for everything I need. I have ended up tired, burnt out and incredibly lonely, struggling to make and maintain any friends at all.
As the lockdown is now loosening up in the UK, I've been able to return to work. However, I've been put on night shifts with a couple of other people I generally don't get along very well. For the first few days I was doing okay, prepping all my meals and having no issues, but it slowly started getting to me.
Now finally to the binge! As I was on my way to work last night, I was close to crying. I did not want to work yet another extremely quiet shift with people I don't get along with. I was tired. And suddenly, it was hit me, how incredibly alone I felt. And so I made a turn, walked into a Sainsbury's and walked out with a box of 4 donuts, 4 large chocolate muffins and a whole box of flapjacks. I ate all of them upon arriving to work, while crying in the changing rooms. I was a mess. I asked if I could go home and they said yes, so I went and kept on eating whatever I could find, until I was physically sick and threw up.
I have been up all night and morning. I'm so empty inside and I honestly feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to about this.
I've had time to think about what happened and I realized that I basically binged as a form of self-harm, which I still struggle with sometimes. However, I have never really used food in such a way and I don't really know how to cope with it.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/hhcn67/i_binged_last_night_for_the_first_time_in_many/
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