I just want to be proud of the man looking at me from the mirror

I started answering someone else’s query on here, but began rambling about myself.

So obviously I need to talk.

I’m 30-years-old. Growing up, I was always heavy. My parents didn’t know shit about nutrition. I ate a lot of processed, carb-laden food, drank a lot of juice, etc.

I started swimming competitively and eventually I looked OK. Not like guys on the team wouldn’t still call me fat, but I was relatively trim. Around 170lbs and 5’11 with a fair bit of muscle.

From there, my weight would fluctuate all over the place. I always had the attitude that I could eat whatever I wanted because I swam all the time, but I tried to keep it someone healthy.

(Turns out I had no idea what meant, but that’s beyond the point.)

Flash forward to the present. After gaining a bunch of weight very quickly, I found out I’ve had hypothyroidism all my life. No excuse for me to not try to lose weight, but it explained a lot. (Why I could eat exactly the same food as my friends and they were skinny as rails and I was chubby as hell.)

There was briefly a time in high school when I felt OK to take my shirt off in public. Even in college, where I played water polo, the guys took one look at me and said I needed to lose some fat. They weren’t wrong. But I think I embarrassed them that I didn’t have sharp six packs or pecs without a layer of fat. Again, I didn’t change my diet, so I lose some of the weight, but not enough.

Now things are different. I’m determined to be able to take my shirt off in public and feel proud. My girlfriend is beautiful and she deserves it. We’re going to see her family and friends for a few weeks now in Ibiza and I feel so rotten about it. Over the past few months, I love lost a decent bit, but I’m nothing like the shredded guys she’s used to being around.

Don’t get me wrong: I know it could be worse. But never in my whole life have I looked in the mirror and felt totally good about what I was seeing. Occasionally just 5-10 pounds away from looking good, but never there.

This time, I’m determined. I will see my abs, just once. I’ll bop around shirtless without worrying about the jiggle. I won’t cringe when my gf wants to rest her hand on my belly.

Also, since both my parents died of cancer, both within a few years of the other, I have new determination to be as healthy as possible.

And I’m SICK of this fat. This gooey, gross stuff that hides my muscles and makes me look bad. It’s completely useless and it’s so hard to get rid of, at least as fast as I’d like.

I need a hardbody to withstand the world. I hope I get there, guys.

Thanks for listening .

I just want to feel hard ripples. I’m trying to hard. And it’s too late for me to look like that in Spain (yeah, can’t wait to meet her ex’s) but I’m just gonna keep on, and hopefully, one day, I’ll know what it’s like to feel proud of your body.

I hope that day comes soon.

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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/hhb8ot/i_just_want_to_be_proud_of_the_man_looking_at_me/