I'm 25F. 5'4 (163 cm).
I have always been fat, or at least that's what my mother (5'7, 123 lbs, obsessed with her appearance and weight) used to say when I was growing up. She literally drilled into my head that I was fat, and I will never be pretty enough unless I lose weight. She would make fun of my stomach and my flabby arms and I can't help but to think that somehow helped her feel better about herself.
When I was 16, the scale hit 170. Being a teenager, I decided that I wanted to be attractive, so I had to lose weight. My mother was delighted and helped me by cooking for me and encouraging me. Losing weight was fast and easy and I was excited about it. In under 3 months, I dropped to 138 lbs and it was awesome. I could wear pretty clothes, guys were interested in me, my confidence was through the roof.
Since then, my weight has been fluctuating. I used to drink a lot in college and eat very little, which made it easy to maintain a healthy weight for my height (in a very unhealthy way). However, after I graduated college, I moved to another country - a country with limitless food options and incredible delivery services.
So, that leads to today - June 9th. The scale is showing 191 lbs and I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I really hate myself. My jeans don't fit and no amount of contouring is able to conceal my double chin. The inner thigh chafing is so bad I can't wear dresses anymore, at least not for long. I literally can't have sex with my boyfriend because I keep thinking about how unattractive my body is. I don't want to die at 60 from some obesity-related issue. Unfortunately, losing weight now is not like when I was 16 - it is slow and difficult and I'm not excited about any of it. But it has to happen.
I am 100% aware I need to make a change because if I don't, it's only going to get worse. I just don't know where to start.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gzfb40/i_finally_realized_i_have_to_make_a_change/
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