This is going to be a long post about me mostly rambling. Thanks if you're reading it all!
I've been trying to seriously lose weight again. I have actually once been successful with it before. Going from ~172 pounds (overweight) to 135 pounds (normal) on my 5'5'' height.
At first I was really proud of my achievements. I did feel a bit chubby still and wanted to lose more weight (just a little). But for some reason I really needed validation from people that I look "slim" or "pretty" now. I was desperate for compliments. I did get some. But from the people I wanted to hear them the most I actually got no comments. My mother even thought I was still a size XL even though I was down to M and the occasional S. She kept commenting that I should wear looser clothing. I'm sure it's not cause of my mother but I somehow slowly developed some sort of body image issues. I couldn't tell if I looked normal or slim or fat. I felt like I still looked chubby. Like I still had a long way to go. That worried me. I didn't want to become obsessed with my weight or looks and end up underweight. So I stopped counting calories and trying to maintain my weight.
Then Corona happened. I was in Home Office a lot. I snacked a lot during the day and stopped thinking about my weight. I barely moved because of the pandemic. I was well aware that I gained weight. But I was ok with it at the time because I was incredibly stressed and unhappy and knew I wouldn't have the energy or willpower to commit to a diet change and tracking calories again.
The circumstances have changed since a couple of months. I am happy and have the energy again. I weighed myself a few weeks ago and saw the scale at 161 lb.
I did a lot of thinking. It was good I realised I had body image problems. What I should have done though was weigh myself occasionally. Not even weekly. But once a month maybe to make sure I stay on course without the pressure.
I also learned that I want to lose weight slower this time. I lost the above mentioned weight in 8 months. I felt like that was a good tempo and I still think that's nice. But I'm no longer that urgent. I want to get to my goal weight (first goal ist getting back to 135lb) slowly but steadily.
I also learned how much support can mean to you and what a luxury that is. Whenever my boyfriend cooks he weighs all the foods for me. And he is very sweet and keeps telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. At first that was actually not motivating me to change at all!! But now it's a motivator. He loves me as I am so I'm not losing weight for him but for myself. And he always says he is curious to see what I look like at a lower weight. But that it's entirely up to me if I want to lose weight. I think this is also a big deal. Before I wanted to lose weight mostly to impress others and be pretty. I didn't really do it for myself.
Before I only lost weight by CICO and no sports at all. This time my boyfriend is encouraging me to go outside. We go out on walks daily. I make sure to get 10k steps daily and sometimes I even get to 20k steps. Every now and then I like to play Just Dance on my console. It might not be the most intensive training but it's actually fun to me. Another important point. I often forced myself to go jogging in my years of dieting even though I hated it. It's better to do something fun even if it's less intensive.
I am really motivated like I have never been before. And I feel at ease because I discussed my body image worries with my boyfriend. He told me that he would be honest to me once I reach my goal weight about my looks. If that's something I should maintain or if it's ok to lose more if that's what I wish to do. He assured me he wouldn't let me become underweight.
I am currently at 158 lb. And I am proud that I am still motivated and picked up some "training". I hope to be able to update you at some point that I am at 135lb again. And this time I will be happy and will not need validation!
(Btw my flair is incorrect. I can't change it on my mobile!)
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mvyxdq/selfrealisation_and_learning_from_it/
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