Before Pics: taken between Nov 2018 and Dec 2018. I was 116 pounds (5’4”).
After Pics: taken June 1, 2020. I’m 137 pounds (5’4”).
I gained 21 pounds in 1.5 years and lost all of my coincidence in the progress. In October of 2018, something extremely traumatic happened and caused me to fall into depression. My depression led to a multitude of other problems. It didn’t help that I was also really stressed at this time. I stopped socializing with friends, which meant I was moving about less and burning less calories. I also began stress eating and eating for comfort. When I started to notice a slight bit of weight gain, I panicked and attempted crash dieting, calorie restriction, etc. These methods never worked out and one failed diet would lead to the next. My diet attempts actually caused me to gain weight instead of lose weight. My relationship with food and my body soured. Eventually I developed bulimia and BED... I managed to overcome bulimia, but BED/restriction is still so so so hard to fight.
Even though I keep failing to lose weight, I’m proud of myself for trying again each time. For some weird reason, I think I will finally succeed this time. The other night, I had a nightmare that it was the first day of college and we had to weigh ourselves in front of the entire class. I dreamt that I weighed over 200 pounds. I’m so afraid of starting college in the fall while looking like this. I don’t want to interact with anyone when I’m this disgusting. That dream was a wake up call. I only have 3 months left so I really have to succeed this time.
I felt so embarrassed recreating those old pictures today, but it’s important to have progress pics to look back at later on. Last night, I didn’t shower because I didn’t want to look at my bloated body after a binge. I don’t want to hate looking at myself anymore. I miss when I use to love myself and I miss when I use to eat food like a normal person.
I truly feel like I’m going to succeed this time. When I do, I’ll be back with after pictures. I promise!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/guzuky/im_going_to_love_myself_again_i_feel_embarrassed/
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