I've struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. I've relied on junk food as my main source of comfort and cure for boredom for as long as I remember. It's only in the last several years that i've began to really understand the value of eating healthy food as it relates to my physical and mental health.
It's been a rollercoaster the last couple of years. I steadily went from 148 in October 2021 to 185 as of January 1 of this year. This is due to binge eating. I've also struggled with addiction to marijuana since I was 14, and being high not only increases my hunger significantly, but it dimishes my ability to think rationally and make good decisions for myself. I will give in to absolutely anything I want in the moment with no thought to the consequences. I've really toned down my weed intake, though I really want to just give it up 100%. Everytime I smoke I eat a crazy amount of food, to the point that I ruin 3-4 days of hard work.
I decided on February 20 that I don't care about anything more than getting my eating habits and physical/mental health in check. I honestly killed it all week. I'm eating between 1300-1400 calories/day (focusing on veggies & protein) and doing 1+ hour of exercise a day as well, including a combination of walking, dancing, and strength workouts. I haven't felt hungry or deprived. Getting motivated to do the workouts has been a bit challenging, but I did it. I've felt SO proud of myself and i'm in a calorie deficit of ~800 calories/day. I know it will take time, patience, and consistency in order for me to get to my goal weight of 140, but i'm happy to say I've been enjoying the process. I know it's only been a week but if I keep the pace, I know it WILL happen eventually.
Aaaand then. Last night I slipped up HARD. I went to my friend's house and impulsively smoked weed. I tried my best to stay focused, but things went for shit and I ended up eating chips, 2 granola bars, a meal from mcdonalds, and 2 pieces of toast with cinnamon sugar. This is after I already consumed all my food for the day, so this shot my calorie intake up to 3000. I'm doing everything I can not to punch myself in the face right now. I know what's done is done, but it's so hard not to be frustrated at my stupidity.
Now, i'm in damage control mode. I have to burn an extra 1200 calories just to get back to where I was before yesterday. I know this might not seem healthy but I plan on doing double the workouts the next two days and cutting back to 1200 calories. I know that might seem unhealthy, but I really don't want to accept that I fucked up my progress. All week i've been telling myself that things are changing, i'm not going to keep being the same person who fucks around and lets myself down, yet here we are again. I refuse to accept the failure and i'm going to do my best to mitigate it. I want to teach myself that being high for an hour isn't worth fucking everything up.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/11dkt3k/i_binged_last_night_and_now_i_feel_terrible/
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