In November, I was a size 22 @ Tor__d. I’ve lost 72 pounds since then. But my mind doesn’t see it, you know? And my pants are literally falling off of my ass. So I went to buy some jeans. The ones I’ve bought at Old Nasty don’t hold their shape, and I can’t figure out what size I need. So I’m in the dressing room, and I try on a pair of 16’s. Too baggy. Must be a fluke, I think, but put on the 14’s the sales associate put in the room. I slip them on, zip them up, and they fit! It’s a miracle, I think. I step outside to look in the mirror, and the sales associate says, “so they fit nicely right now, but they’ll stretch as you wear them. Let me grab you the 12’s.”. I just stare at her - the last time I wore a size 12 I was in them 9th grade, (I’m over 50 now). So I try them on, and they zip, they fit, they’re the right size. Size 12. I know torrid vanity sizes, I know the stretch…but size 12?
I cried. Big, silent tears. Because I just don’t see it. I look in the mirror and see size 22. I’ve been size 18-22 for 35 years. I don’t know when my mind is going to catch up and it’s hard, honestly hard. I’ve always been the biggest person in the room. I’ve always crossed my arms over my belly in the chair. I’ve always been afraid to sit in the folding chair and stood in the back row in pictures.
It’s hard to have people tell you “you look great”. It makes me feel bad, Did I look so terrible before? I smile and say thanks and inside I’m cringing.
I’m not looking for sympathy, but is there anybody else who feels this way? Like I’m fake in this body? Like the outside is a surprise? Like I look down in the morning and when I see my toes I think, what the hell are those?
I’ve got more to lose. I’m still seriously obese, according to the bullshit bmi charts. And I’m going to keep going, but I just needed to vent.
Thank you for reading.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/uz9lvl/i_cried_in_the_dressing_room_today/
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